My boys were talking the other night about River after she went to bed. Saying how sweet she is, how she always gives you a moment of her heart, her soul. And then they told me how weird it is that they have two sisters, but they only know one.
I think I could write every single day about how complete River has made our family, how much her spirit has healed us, and it still wouldn’t contain the entirety of the situation. She hasn’t replaced the sister lost, but she filled the hole in our hearts. She somehow did it not by taking the place of, but by being in addition to. By slipping into that empty space and reaching around and around and balming each little and big wound with her spirit-hands. She smoothed over rough spots and hard edges and continues doing it every day. The more her huge personality comes out, the more ground she covers in this hand-made soothing she is doing and we’ve only been with her on this side of the veil for a year. I breathe rapidly and become breathless just thinking about how much more is to come.
I feel like most days I’m a partner along side her, watching her and encouraging her but practically just observing as she grows into this little lady. She has made me more womanly and more soft and more gentle and I didn’t know I had those pieces inside me.
On this day she watched from the side as her brothers had tennis practice, and they beamed knowing she was watching. It’s as if she knows the level of her celebrity in their hearts but she doesn’t get an ego about it. She doesn’t get a big head or an entitlement, but it’s practically as if she uses their adoration wisely and honors it. I can hardly believe I’m talking about a one year old baby, but it’s all true. It’s her.