It’s been a long time since I posted pics of my style and my outfits. At the end of my pregnancy last fall, I posted each week of the last trimester an outfit (and it was essentially a belly pic, too) and had SO MUCH FUN. But then the last time I posted an outfit was right after River was born and I didn’t feel the least bit cute (to put it mildly) and never could bring myself to post pics of myself anymore.
I’ve avoided outfit posts ever since – even though I love style and love talking about it.
The truth is I didn’t like my body, didn’t like how I looked, and didn’t feel like “me” at all.
I stopped looking for cute clothing for this body I am unhappy with, resolved that there are no cute styles for plus size curvy women, and pretty much let the size of my clothing shape my identity. It was a quiet prison, and I never talked about it to anyone.
But as I work through not being angry with my body for being sick, and have patience with healing, I’m shedding those feelings of shame and self-loathing. God is doing a work, because He made me new on the inside and now I feel He is fulfilling a promise to heal me on the outside too. I’m excited to step into new outfits and talk about fashion (because I loooove it) and I’m also looking forward to talking about body issues too (well maybe not *forward to it* so much as hopeful my story might help some of you too).
I don’t know how many of you have thyroid issues like I do, or if you have some other health issue going on or you just plain can’t make your body do what you want it to do, but I wonder how many of us with bodies that are bigger than we want choose to hide away. I feel amazingly beautiful when I’m pregnant, but as soon as the baby’s born I spiral back down into a self-loathing that is difficult to escape from. In my regular dreams, I’m my pre-child (and pre-broken thyroid) size, and then I wake up and look in the mirror and do a double take that this is what I look like. I’ve already come a long way, I finally believe my husband when he tells me I’m beautiful and that I’m sexy and desirable. But the work has only begun.
So these things I’m describing – the shame, the hiding, they aren’t my story any more. My story now is a healing and a renewal and a butterfly waiting to be born — still inside that cocoon working on changing. It’s a battle, physical and spiritual, but one I’m no longer going to shy away from. And since my sweet friend started a new Wednesday series to add to the lovely chorus of What I Wore Wednesday – I’m jumping back in.
It’s called Dress For The Day. And the goal is to dress for the day you want to have, not the day that’s trying to have you. Read Abby’s first post last week to get inspired and then go link up your outfits and your days you’re going to have. Today I’m having fun with clothes and getting things done. Let’s do this together, shall we?
dress :: target
belt :: target
jeans :: eunina from zulily
shoes :: target
ring :: dayspring
rosette bud earrings :: allora handmade
heart brooch :: etsy (the shop is no more)
{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
you are glowing! i can see the joy and healing in your face and your sassy outfit. i would have bought that heart thing in a second if that shop was still around. thank you for sharing your story and dressing to match the spirit i see in you!
maybe i need to make those brooches, eh? thanks so much for the kick in the behind on this. <3
You look fierce girl! Love it! What a great concept. Dress for the day! I can’t wait to join in! ~ Chris Ann
Do it! I want to see your outfits too. :)
I LOVE THIS. I love that you’re writing about it and I love that you’re posting photos of your beautiful self again. I love the colors, I love your hair. Can I say love any more times? :)
You’re stunning! Thank you for wearing your heart on your sleeve today. Your words here matter to God. They matter to people. And they matter to me.
~ Jennifer Dukes Lee
Oh thank you so much, Jennifer. I needed that. xo
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Arianne. You are certainly shining in those photos and I pray for healing and peace for all of us (pretty much ALL women & many, many men) who struggle with body image!
so true – it’s a universal thing!
Thank you for this. First, you are absolutely beautiful. Second I think we all have a tendency to hide. Baby #3 was NOT kind to this momma’s body, and I just told my husband last night that I realize I haven’t posted more that 2 pictures of myself to facebook in a year and a half because of it. Thank you for giving me the kick to see myself as me, not a memory of my prebaby life.
I hope you’ll post more photos – and thank you for those sweet words! xo
So cute!
My friend, you are BEAUTIFUL! You glow with secrets untold, your smirk tells me we can laugh our asses off together, your eyes tell me a story, your sassy topknot has me envious, and your curves are ALL WOMAN! Please let me know how I can support you as the butterfly emerges! XOXO!
Oh I love that – I will, JJ! <3
You are so lovely, Ari. But this heals some part of me, too, and I thank you, truly, for every honest word of it.
I am so proud of you and proud to know you, Arianne.
Love this dress on you so much! I think you look beautiful,you and your new self. Love you xoxo.
Yes, yes MORE!
There are no words for how much I love this. And you. Bravo gorgeous.
You are adorable, and I love the look. I remember the ones last year. Keep being positive and listen to your husbands words and let them go deep into your spirit. It is important to you.
Thank you for remembering them and always having such great encouragement, Sharon!
You are a beauty. I love you.
Ditto darling. :)
First, you are smoking hot! I love the dress and your hair! I actually have the same dress from Target, but in a different color, and I never would’ve thought to style it with jeans, so thank you for the inspiration.
Second, I feel like you crawled inside my head to write this post. I never believed my hubby’s compliments either, because they’re just hard to hear when you don’t feel that way on the inside. It took me SO long to finally reach a place where I can honestly say I love myself, but thank God I am finally there.
I recently started writing more about fashion and style as well, because I LOVE it (even more than home design) and I’m finally in a place where I feel confident sharing. Here’s my first real style post: http://www.greenandgorgeous.net/2012/09/27/ootd-orange-pop/
Your confidence just POURS out in those pics – love it! <3
oh, my.this post was amazing. amazing. thank you.
Thank you for reading!
I think you look fabulous! I’m not just saying that to be nice :) …and your eyes are beautiful! You’re a beautiful person! I have to admit, most days I don’t even bother dressing the least bit ‘nice’, I wear whatever and often feel like ‘whatever’ too because of that. After 2 kids, I’ve lost my style and only recently started paying more attention to what I wear.
I so know what you mean. I think I’m just trying to be comfy and then I feel so “meh” and wish I had tried a bit harder. You keep at it and you’ll find that style again, mama! xo
Beautiful post! You described the feeling of feeling outside of yourself and not wanting to be seen so well. But you’re looking pretty fierce there. And it sounds like you’re doing some good work. :)
Thank you – getting there, eh? Appreciate your words so much. xo
So beautiful.
Steph
Back atcha. Miss you darling!
Lots of things-
1: I’m dealing with a broken body & trying to heal it & get healthy together, but mine lies in a less tangible string of depression & poor habits. Just spent more $$ than I wanted on buying bras that actually fit instead of the size I’d like to wear, & guess what?!? I look a ton better! ;)
2: I almost bought that same dress & didn’t crux my skin is too pink/red, but girl, it looks great on you.
3: ok, I guess only two things. You’re beautiful.
NEW BRAS FTW! They always, always make us look and feel better. I want you to go get the black and white one now. :)
I never realized how important “foundation” garments are until I never lost my breast size after the birth of my son. Finding the right one is so important not just for how it makes us look, but for how it makes us feel. For me, having an uncomfortable, ill-fitting bra wreaks havoc on an otherwise great day.
Dude- I just bought the red one cuz I found it for $8! They didn’t have the black.white anymore, but I wore that red anyway and man, it’s comfy! :) Twinkies for the win!
Agreed, you are beautiful, I’m so glad you’re doing these posts again since you have such a fun and lovely style! Thank you for your honesty with struggles you face, praying for the new creature that is you.
Thank you so much Linda! I always appreciate your encouragement (I think it’s your super power). xo
You? My love, are gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful.
And this statement could not be more well said: “God is doing a work, because He made me new on the inside and now I feel He is fulfilling a promise to heal me on the outside too.”
Ari, I look up to you in so so so so so many ways. One of those? your beauty. It is eye catching and contagious.
xoox
K
*blush* Thank you, sweets.
You are gorgeous. I’ve always thought so, since I first saw your avatar but your confidence pours out in those pictures. I am plus sized and love cute clothes but vacillate between hiding out in oversized t-shirts and yoga pants because sometimes the effort feels futile. I write a lot about my own body issues and healing through this process and I can absolutely relate to the issues you’ve shared. Thank you for this post and for the encouragement to claim myself again, no matter how I currently feel about my body.
I know exactly what you mean about it feeling futile – yes! But when we put a little effort in I think we always feel better. Cheers to you for claiming YOU! <3
Gorgeous! I’m totally there with you on the post-baby, and yes, broken thyroid body. Kudos to you for opening up – and really rocking the red. You’re an inspiration.
Your clothes and your honesty are beautiful!
Okay, first of all, I’m stopping by from Simple Mom who shared this in her weekend links. Secondly, before I even started reading, I looked at your first picture and the first thing I noticed? Your beautiful face and how your hair and top highlight it. Then, I noticed you were curvier, but in a good way. You see, I struggle with the fact that I still carry “baby weight” from my son (though, it’s technically “preschool weight”, as he’s turning 4 in a couple of months). When I saw your cute, curvy figure and how you dressed it, I thought, “I would probably feel a lot better about myself if I took them time and effort to make myself looks as stylish as you.
Then, I read your story… You are beautiful and praise the Lord that he’s showing you where your true worth lies. Not in a number on a scale, but in Him.
Thank you for sharing your heart!
Beautiful and inspiring post!
I love this post, and I so relate. I have held off buying “cute” clothes since my son was born because I was waiting to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. But it has been 5 years. I think I need to accept my size and shape and start dressing *my* body well. That doesn’t mean I have to resign myself to being bigger than I want to be, it just means I have to be happy where I am and love myself and my life now and stop waiting for “someday”.
I did this once and won 175 $ at Atlantic
city. Now I’m getting ready for a surgery and I plan to do the same thing. I guess it’s all in having a positve attitude. Good Luck. You really are a beautiful girl.
I’ve never been into clothes or “style” too much, but I do notice how much better I feel when I’m wearing clothing that fits properly (doesn’t hang like a sack) and is designed for a curvier shape. I’ve had good luck finding pants/jeans at Lane Bryant, and I have a dress for nice occasions that I love from IGIGI.
I don’t have a thyroid issue nor have I had the honor of having a child but I do have a lot of those body shames and feelings. Since dealing with cervical cancer this summer, my relationship to my body has shifted. I’m still trying to make my peace with it but I respect it in a new way.
I’ve always admired your style. And I was wearing that same red dress today! :-)
I’m blessed by your sharing, Ari. Thank you.
For the last two years, I’ve lived in baggie tee shirts and yoga pants. I’ve had lots of reasons (scratch that – excuses) for why that made sense. Who wants to get dressed up when someone will wipe lunch on your leg or spit up on your shirt?
Truthfully, I’ve been hiding. I used to be thin and rocked the heck out of a pencil skirt and heels. Somehow a flabby tummy just doesn’t look so great in a pencil skirt.
I’m realizing that it doesn’t have to be either/or, though – either I get back into slim skirts or I wear clothes with paint stains. So now? Now I’m buying peplum shirts that are more forgiving of a tummy that has stretched to hold kiddos I adore. I’m learning to have more fun with bold necklaces and earrings that frame my favorite feature – my eyes – that twinkle when I laugh which is often because life is pretty funny with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I’m trying (TRYING) to stop comparing today to 2 years or even 5 years ago. My heart is so much bigger than it was back then and for better or for worse, so is my waist.
My dear, I just found you (and this post) via Simple Mom and it was kismet, I tell you! I struggle with similar issues — always the, “maybe if I were thinner…” And then I get to a point where I go, “Enough. I am beautiful and kind and lovely no matter what size my pants are or how out of shape I’m feeling today. I’m still going to work out, feel good, and dress in something cute that makes me feel awesome.” I needed this. Thank you so much. Looking forward to more! Love to you. xo
I dont know what to say. This blog is fantastic. Thats not really a really huge statement, but its all I could come up with after reading this. You know so much about this subject. So much so that you made me want to learn more about it. Your blog is my stepping stone, my friend. Thanks for the heads up on this subject.
Your beautiful. I have a real hard time accepting my body size…I am very thankful that you posted this today. I needed to hear this.
You are rocking that dress. Thank you for posting about the Thyroid. I too am going through a roller-coaster of emotions and along with weight issues I am also losing hair thanks to Thyroid. Thinning hair after years of having a lion’s mane that made me well me or so I thought has been tough. I now sport a classic bob. I am however learning to rock a hat and head scarves. I get more compliments of my array of hats than I did for my long hair so I’m learning to look in the mirror with a smile and be proud of myself. I’m fighting the good fight.
By the way you are a very beautiful woman. I look forward to following your blog.
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