On trying not to blink

by arianne

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We all just recovered from the worst flu in the history of this family and River’s night-time antics made it all that much harder but I remember her brothers and how exponentially more difficult they were at night and I stop wishing to fast forward this phase.

I am thinking in long sentences just like that because I feel like my cabin fever bone has cabin fever and if I stop talking you might realize how batty I’ve gone being locked up in a house with a flu-sick family.

So I stop wishing to fast forward this phase. At least for tonight. And last night I prayed through the wake-ups thanks to these sweet words and it really did feel less daunting to stay awake one more night. Just one. I can handle that, right?

She turns 9 months old next week and I see younger babies and I think they’re the same age as River. How did I blink enough times to be at 9 months? I thought I only blinked once.

She is cruising and wishing she could run. Blink.

She has so much personality in even just her teensy pinky toe, it’s really emerging now, and she is ruling her brothers with that pinky toe. Blink.

I still can’t shake that ‘first time mom’ feeling that I never quite know what is going on. When the babies were back to back I didn’t have time to forget how to do every baby-thing. But River’s next older sibling just turned 5 and we have “the boys” and “the baby” and my clueless mom moments get to be spread over both life stages. I’m suspended in the air, waiting for some kind of flag to go by to show me I’m on the right path. I rarely find one, so I just do the next thing.

If grace is an ocean, oh yes we’re all sinking.

Tell me, is this a mom of many thing, a haven’t had a baby in a while thing, or a mom of a baby girl for the first time thing? Why do I always feel so clueless?

Trying to blink slower and slow down time before I want to fast forward again…

My life with my baby posts are the same, but a little fancier. This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories (plus projects, ideas, etc.) with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

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