On experiencing a miracle

by arianne

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The other day we had this day where it almost seemed as though it was such a ridiculous combination of non-sleep and calamities that it couldn’t really have been real. Was it a dream? A dream-mare? A dream-mare is a bad dream that isn’t necessarily scary or awful, but I’d certainly not let it be allowed in the “dream” category with the floaty happy things like being eternally skinny while scarfing donuts and seeing my babies get married one day and all the other random fantastic things I have dreamt before.

River couldn’t really be bothered to sleep all day, that day. She had a cold, so her nose was stuffed which meant she couldn’t really nurse and definitely couldn’t take her paci because she couldn’t breathe when she did those two (favorite) activities. She thought this turn of can’t-suck events was torture, so apparently she had to stay awake to get through it.

She spent that whole night waking constantly, and then woke up at 3:30sm the next morning, like, for the day. And as I laid in bed and held onto her ankle so she couldn’t crawl off the bed, I thought – this is when I really lose my mind. This is it, right here. She was fussing and I was delirious and I had no idea how I was going to stay awake to take care of her. I kept sitting up, laying down, back and forth, jolting awake now and then thinking OMGWHEREISSHE and she was always right there and it had been mere seconds of drifting off. It was a party, I tell ya.

Then I turned to my side at just the opportune moment because that’s when she decided to throw up all down my back (in my hair – yay!) and all over my side of the bed. Throw up in the bed. Is there anything worse?

After that she suddenly seemed to feel SO much better, though still wide awake, and I officially couldn’t lay in bed pretending the awake-ness wasn’t happening now that the bed was, um, full. We got up and sat in the dark and played on the floor. I refused to turn on the light because I didn’t want her to think it was actually “awake” time in real life and she didn’t care because we watched the sun come up and the early birds get the worms in our backyard and soon I begged hubs to take over and she went down for her first nap at 5:30am.

As we sat there and she smiled at me and talked and laughed and danced and snuggled and kissed me, I was in complete awe of this little lady that is somehow mine and whom I keep wondering if she is some sort of genius baby, or if all normal babies are like this but I’ve just never had one before.

I don’t often write about my older kids’ special needs (haven’t for quite a while now) but I need you to understand that this is the first time I even knew babies could be this happy and could love me back at just 8 months old (and really, she’s been loving me back for months now). I mean loving me back not just in the “baby prefers her parents” but in real actual cuddly, kissing, hugging, smiling, enjoys her family and her mama and daddy, really loves us, kind of love.

I didn’t know that it could be so fun to take a baby shopping or that they could laugh at me just because I said something in a silly voice.

I never knew that babies danced when you sang or that they stared into your soul like they knew every deepest wish and secret you hold dear.

Maybe you’ll tell me most babies aren’t like this, and I’d believe you, but I have a feeling typical babies are like this. And this is where I am once again on my knees in gratitude that we get this little miracle, to experience day in and day out a piece that was missing in our parenting. The effortless life of a healthy baby. It’s heaven.

*That photo book pictured is from Paper Coterie. If you’re a first time customer, you can get a free journal by entering “welcomejournal” at checkout! I love their goodies.

My life with my baby posts are the same, but a little fancier. This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories (plus projects, ideas, etc.) with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

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