For him.

by arianne

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Dear Jacob,

When we first started “going out” in 1993, did we ever imagine that the world would last past 1999? The 2000′s seemed space-age back then. Did we think about being this old, pushing 40 (yes, you are) and celebrating 14 years of marriage? I don’t know that we thought about the trials so much at that point (mostly we just thought about kissing in the park). I remember how you spoke your most poetic love words in Spanish and somehow using a different language made you brave.

How could I have known that we’d weather the years of autism biting at our backs, or that we’d move all around the country trying to find ourselves just to return back to where it all started?

To be sure, I didn’t imagine us losing our first daughter, or that it would heal our marriage in ways we didn’t even realize they were broken. Watching you parent our second daughter, and sharing heart strings with you for the first, I don’t know that I ever knew you’d be this grown up. So unsure of yourself while being so completely sure of yourself. In the best way that a wife needs.

You tell me often how pretty I am, and you make me feel so sexy. You know my favorite place is forehead pressed against forehead and laughing with you through our most favorite worship time. I like falling asleep with butterflies in my spirit and dancing in the clouds with you.

God tells us our children are ours for now, for the raising and shaping – these souls get to grow with us. But they are all ultimately His. We can’t hold them in our hands, behind our back away from God, thinking we’ll always have them. But I can’t hold you there either, can I? Your beauty and perfect heart for me might not always be here. I soar on your love and can’t imagine ever not being this “we” but I trust the greater plan. I do.

I cannot fathom how I somehow was chosen to navigate this part of life with you, but I thank God every day for that gift. I wouldn’t want any other mediocre normal marriage, because the wild-hearted bravest man I know is side by side with me and we get to walk this realm together. I am yours and you are mine and we are one of two. Happy anniversary, hon.

Tu amante,

A

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