I Write Of You

by arianne

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How often do we turn the mirror on ourselves?

I slowly did this.

I had to ask for clarity
(it wasn’t just there waiting,
all happy and shiny with its rude truth).

I discovered that part and parcel with my fear
was that I wasn’t writing about the baby at all.

Not just here

(because the throwing up could easily be blamed for that)
but not anywhere.
Not in my journal.
Not even in my mind.

I was keeping the precious jewels of thanks inside,
because if they were to be let out beyond the prayers, into the “universe”
for my utter joy to be “known”
would that be giving a green light for it to all be taken away?

That is over now.

With trepidation I share with you something so extremely special to me.
Something I’ve been wanting to post for weeks but couldn’t until today.
The very first piece I’ve written about this new baby.

Before a heartbeat, before anyone but close ones knew.

Interestingly, and without the irony lost on me,
this was created out of a writing workshop at Blissdom where the prompt was “fear”.
Thinking about fear led to these feelings spilling out.
I hope you like it as much as I do.

***

New life knits and mama knows to be grateful.
Your soul is here and
your heart is asleep and
I write of you.

A life changed is what you bring
and I have not planned this contentment.

I just wanted rest but you brought peace.

When raven brings warnings I do not listen.
Your perfection exists now and I ignore his nags.

Your beauty is already shining inside me
like a diamond buried in the pitch
and I don’t know why I got you but
He promised.

And you are.

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