Mabel

by arianne

My sweet baby Mabel Love was born a stillborn, January 8, 2010.

She was more beautiful than I could have imagined, and I miss her so very much.  I miss her in my womb, and in my arms.

Over the past few days my belly has been silent, today it is empty.

I can’t possibly express to you all the profound impact you have had on me the past few days.  Because of all of your immense love and support and prayers, I felt the Spirit cocoon me in warmth and peace and was able to have a beautiful experience yesterday.  Truly, truly powerful.  I don’t know how I’ll find the words to describe it, but I plan to try.  I sit here thinking and thinking, so much to express and share, but too sad to move.  To eat.  To breathe.

I realized as we drove home from the hospital at 3am today, that I could see it coming towards me.  Grief.  Like a dark villan barreling down a long tunnel headed straight for me.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to escape it.

Yesterday the mother instinct was so strong, I kept asking my husband how the baby was doing, and making sure she wasn’t alone.  God I miss her so much.

I see Mabel’s beautiful face in my mind, her sweet little hands etched in mine.  She was so small and so perfect, and we feel SO BLESSED to have met her and know she is happy and safe now.

I just miss her.

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