See You At The Beach

by arianne

clearfoot

I used to be really good at calming a storm within me.  I would center myself and think big picture and move forward…remembering that things are usually not as bad as they seem. 

But now I struggle.  It takes time away from the here and now, alone, at the Bahamas even, to feel that same clarity.  To calm and slow and reflect. 

I look outside and see the snow has melted and still don’t feel refreshed.  Seeing the ground again has been awkward, as if I need to reintroduce myself, like a long lost friend who suddenly disappeared without a goodbye. 

The old leaves from last year are there, where we left them.  They’ve been buried, covered for so long, all mushy and dirty.  Clouding up my grassy yard.  My mind.

I look at the picture above, taken by me of my own foot, in the ocean, the clearest water ever, at the Bahamas.  On Serenity Beach, on Disney’s private island, Castaway Cay. 

What makes that water so clear?  It can’t just naturally be clean and anew, always.  It must be some chemical combination of the coral, the algae, the special plant life that resides right out there…right?  I could look it up, but then my moment of longing for that same clarity in my own world, would be lost.  Perhaps I need to Google how to clear one’s mind, instead.

There is so much to sweep out, to have the coral and the algae gobble up, but can it be done?  Stress of never being enough, pressure to do more, pressure to be less.  Feelings of disconnect, betrayal, longing for what was.  I’m over it.  I’m fed up.  I want it all gone.

I find myself teaching my own intuitive son how to overcome his moments of desperation, brought on by a “difficult” room.  Where no one said a thing, yet said everything.  In my teaching, I also teach myself.  How to let go.  Feel free. 

Somehow I will create my own Serenity Beach inside my head, and go there whenever I want to.  Need to.  That perfect place doesn’t have to exist just in the Bahamas. 

Hope to see you there.

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