I realized something today…I can’t do everything by myself. Now this is probably a major DUH moment to a lot of you, and still others of you may have no idea what I’m talking about (“Whatever do you mean, woman? I do everything by myself and I’m darn proud of it.“)
Among other things, I’ve been struggling a bit with keeping up my house (not a new problem for me) and lack of sleep has been a big part of it. I can blame my thyroid or blame the baby’s wacky hours, but the bottom line is that I’m an insomniac. I try to go to bed, but I lay there with my eyes open. Some nights I just can’t turn my brain off, others I’m profoundly sleepy and still. just. lay there. I know a lot of people with sleeping problems, many of them thyroid related, and they are on medication to help them sleep. I am breastfeeding, and just don’t want to go there until I have to. I’ve tried natural remedies, staying up all night to be really tired the next night (still didn’t work). I started to think that things would just be like this for a while. Until they aren’t. But when will that be?
So today, the epiphany came. I was thinking about how I wish I had more energy, I wish that my brain wasn’t so sleepy and foggy all the time. I was asking God why does it have to be this way? Is this just the thorn in my side that will always be there? But then I realized…I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I’ve been trying to “treat” this problem myself, and asking God why that hasn’t been working. It’s almost like I thought God had bigger problems to deal with.
What I realized is that God is BIGGER than my sleep issues. He can make them go away at the snap of a finger. I know…DUH, right? But taking time to lean on Him for these “small” things is ok, and will likely change my daily existence in a big way.
So here’s the crux of it…what am I focusing on? Am I focusing on “being better”? On trying to “get better”? Or am I focusing on God and letting Him be in control? It’s so easy for our focus to shift and sway with each turn in the roller coaster that is our life. Focusing on the right things, the positive things, can lead to so much more fulfillment and happiness than we realize. Where is your focus?