Fragile Buds

by arianne

 

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**Photo from Flickr

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This morning when I went outside I noticed something different. With the temps being in the 30′s lately, the last thing I expected to see was new, green growth poking through the ground. Tiny little soon-to-be daffodils and tulips, fighting their way to the sky. I felt sad for them, for even though they know it’s now April, which is a perfectly respectable time to “spring” from the ground, they obviously didn’t get the memo that it’s still freezing outside. Their little buds won’t make it if they keep this course. I want to tell them to wait, to take their time growing, tell them they have plenty of time to be big. To bloom. But I’m as powerless to stop their perilous plight as I am to slow my own children’s rush to be older. The ambition makes me thrilled and scared all at the same time. I don’t want my blooms or my babies to suffer, but the power to protect them does not lie within me.

Each day I watch my boys develop some new skill, say some new words and grow a little bit taller on our “measure” wall. We started marking their height on the wall when we moved into this house 18 months ago. Looking at the difference in height today makes me feel swirls of emotions. Sad, excited, bittersweet. Have I enjoyed each inch as it passed by me? Mostly, yes, but I also forget to notice some days. The daily routines and breaking up of fights can take over my fragile patience and now and then I find myself wishing they would just grow up already. Sure, I will be happy when I’m no longer hearing “someone needs to wipe me!” beckoning from the bathroom**. But I try to remember that there will be a day when that same voice isn’t asking for my help from the other room. When he isn’t needing me for every little thing, and isn’t even IN my house any more to talk.

The new little buds will continue to push upward and onward, and so will my little buddies. All I can do is cut through the difficult times and focus on what’s real. The miracle of children learning and becoming bigger and bigger is my honor to witness. I’ll try not to blink.

 

**As I’m typing this my little man just came running out of the bathroom and said, “I wiped my own bum! I don’t need your help!”

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