Crazy talk

by arianne


We finally returned from our vacation, we’re done bailing our basement out after what seemed like 20 inches of rain, and we finally had a chance to sit and breathe. There are many things over due in our lives, things that we’d rather not ever have to deal with. Why do we let these things haunt us?

We’ve been contemplating the fact that our second son may be on the Autistic spectrum, just like his big brother. Honestly, this is not an unexpected turn of events, because the risk of a male sibling of an Autistic male having Autism himself is disturbingly high. However, we thought Jamie would be different. He talked from the start, and has even had better behavior and social skills than his big brother ever had. But as we watch those skills disappear, and some old familiar symptoms pop up, we can’t live in wonder any longer. Tomorrow I will start the process of getting him formally evaluated, and then we start our journey of therapy and more, all just to help him cope with the world.

We are grateful that he appears to be high functioning, just like his brother. I have been having the most difficult time parenting him lately, so its somewhat a relief to imagine that help is on the way.

Both of my older boys would probably seem typical to outsiders who only see them now and then. They can often hold it together while out in public. When at home, when they can feel safe to be themselves, is when things are the worst. However, I am full of hope. Our eldest has made leaps and bounds in his life, as I’ve already shared before. No reason not to believe and trust that our sweet middle child will have the same success.

The hard part right now is getting through the now. I desperately miss my son, that sweet middle child is not so sweet right now. He’s frustrated pretty much 24 hours a day. He is increasingly intense and almost every day now seems full of fighting. He’s always fighting with someone, and he is just three years old on Wednesday. So much angst, in so little time!

Yesterday I was rocking him and pretending he was my baby again. He seemed to be enjoying it, cuddling up next to me and I couldn’t help being reminded of times gone by. Out of no where, after I had said something to him like “I used to rock you all the time like this”, he said to me, deadly serious, “Are you talking crazy to me?”. It made me laugh so hard, but the truth is that he just couldn’t fathom what I was trying to tell him. It epitomized what we’ve been going through with him lately. We talk, we plead, we yell, we dole out the discipline and the incentives, and nothing gets through to him. He can’t connect the dots. Its like we’re just talkin crazy.

I’ll try to keep this blog updated on the process, on the evaluations and the like. I don’t know if anyone out there is interested, but its so helpful to be able to get my thoughts down on my virtual paper and just breathe.

I try to include a little fun, a little snark, in my posts, however I’m having a hard time figuring out where to fit it into this one. I’ll just end it with a statement of fact. The three month old baby sleeping next to me has the stinkiest farts I’ve ever smelt in my life. Hands down.

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