I’m sure you’ve received one of these. A note left on your car, on your door, even inside your own home (if you’ve ever lived with roommates), asking you oh so politely to stop doing what the writer has decided is unacceptable(!!). It could be those letters in the office kitchen saying your “mama don’t live here”, or in my case a neighbor leaving a note on my sister’s car (which I was borrowing one day) that “NO VISITORS are allowed to park in the driveway!!! You know the rules and we will be forced to call the landlord if “this” does not stop!!!” (said letter was the first ever received, and there had been no prior complaints, or violations, for that matter).
No matter how rude and petty these passive aggressive letters get, they often end with “thanks a bunch!” or a smiley face or a heart. They often contain erroneous use of capital letters and inappropriate use of quotations. The really crazy ones even have underlining and red font. These harmless little notes leave me wanting to scream, laugh, cry, puke, you name it.
Roommate and neighbor grief is the worst, and I’ve certainly had my share of living next to The Crazy. I had one neighbor who let her chihuaua poop all over the front yard in mass amounts (which was a common area), and left cigarrette butts and empty beer bottles all over the place, but then sent a letter complaining that I left MY dog’s poop out front one morning and didn’t clean it up until later that day. She claimed the smell was “floating into her windows all day”. Never mind all the things I had ignored, like her chain smoking outside our living room windows all day every day, her rude daughters peering into our windows every day yelling at us through our screens “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” and her constantly screaming at her kids in Spanish late at night. If I had sent an extra special letter it would have looked something like this:
Dear Crazy Beeyotch Who Never Talks To Me But Sent Mean Letters I Ignored Until Today And Then Cussed Me Out On My Front Lawn This Morning In Front Of My Children,
Pleas refrain from smoking outside my windows every day, using the laundry facilities 24/7 and calling us “dirty dirty people” for no reason we are aware of. You may want to kill yourself with cancer someday, but me, I’d like to put that off. Plus, I like to have my windows open since we don’t have air conditioning and its about 95 degrees inside when we have to keep the windows shut. You have perfectly fine windows you can go smoke in front of. You know the ones, they are covered in the ugliest fabric I’ve ever seen aka your drapes. Go ahead and give it a try.
And you know that dog poop you complained about? That you “had it up to here! TO HERE!” about? It wasn’t even MY dog’s poop. Apparently there are other people in the neighborhood who are as gross as you are, and leave that kind of crap all over the place regularly. I bet it took you a long time to clean up all of your dog’s poop before you wrote your precious little letter, since you had to do that before accusing me. And the fact that it was on Hello Kitty paper? Awesome.
If you don’t stop doing these things, I will be forced to call the landlord. Oh wait, I already did and he said you drove off countless other tenants with the same bat-poo crazy stuff, and he can’t do anything about it. Sweet. Too bad we weren’t told about your keen sense of neighborly love prior to moving in.
Thanks a bunch! :) :) :)
We are so grateful to be moved away and no longer living next to The Crazy. I found a hilarious site to commiserate with, and it posts actual notes left by The Crazy from around the world. A couple of my favorites:
And this one:
There’s loads more, and the comments on the posts sometimes get as crazy as the posts themselves. I wish we had kept these nutball letters (instead of balling them up and throwing them at our neighbors house, before feeling guilty and picking them up and throwing them away) we received, so we could send them in.
So far, none of our new neighbors are complainers (thought they’ve ever so sweetly offered to us the use of their lawnmower!). At least, not to our face or in a totally not strongly worded letter.
Do you have any stories about The Crazy?