Today has been one of those days. Can’t keep the baby happy, much less put him down. Got into the car to discover a sand box in my son’s car seat from yesterday’s beach outing. Left the house without my other son’s backpack (which had inside the vital power ranger that MUST not be left at home!). We had some fun plans today that were decidedly altered when my pre-schooler started blowing chunks (literally. it was actually kinda impressive.) all over the car. You know this type of day, right? The kind of day where I was wishing I could go back to bed and start over again tomorrow. The kind of day where watching a sappy commercial or hearing about cutting down “virgin trees” just so we can have paper bags at the store made me all verklempt. The poor baby trees!
I found myself going back and forth between feeling mildly annoyed and tolerating my kids, to feeling extremely annoyed and put out. Once you start getting annoyed with your kids and, heaven forbid, getting mad at them for just being kids, then comes the always-under-the-surface Mommy Guilt. Gotta love the way we mommies pile it on.
Do all moms have days like this? Sometimes I wonder, because you really don’t hear about it a lot, and women tend to put on a happy face when they see each other. At least, I know I do. I’ve had post-pardem depression before, so I worry about getting it again this time. My baby is 7 weeks old, and I know that this can be prime time for those occasional blues to turn into rage and despair.
What I finally realized today, was that IT’S OK. IT’S OK if our routine was screwed up, and we we couldn’t go to the party. IT’S OK if we aren’t eating a perfectly balanced meal today because I just don’t freaking feel like cooking(!). IT’S OK. It won’t always be this way.
What my kids are asking of me today is to slow down and just be in the moment. Enjoy the fact that I have to hold the baby non-stop, (yes, I’m typing with one hand) because when he’s a big tall muckety-muck some day, I will miss this (really? that day will come?). I will even miss cleaning up the puke of my kids, I’m sure. Some day they won’t need me to do that, they’ll have someone else for that (or they will do it themselves! hello independent men who can clean and cook! make mama proud!).
So tonight, I will slow down. I will stretch out my patience longer, and not let it get thin. I will be still, and know that each thing is precious.
Even tossed cookies.