Charlie wakes up.
Charlie screams and insists on having a Little Debbie Christmas Cake for breakfast.
Charlie schmears the cake all over the floor and himself while I’m changing Baby in the other room (who made me a special explosive poo diaper #1).
Charlie makes special explosive poo #2.
Charlie sits down in the living room and takes off said SEP #2 and wipes his fingers in it and then on his shirt.
Charlie melts down while I’m changing SEP #2 as if I’m cutting off his right arm.
Charlie melts down while I’m wiping cake out of his hair as if I’m cutting off his head.
Charlie melts down while I’m taking off his poo poo shirt (which he melted down when I put it on) as if I’m cutting off his left arm and his head at the same time.
Charlie somehow gets the nail scissors I have stupidly hidden in the diaper bag and proceeds to cut open his squishy pillow spilling millions of tiny white beads all over the place that have some kind of mystical static cling so that they cannot be easily vacuumed up…while I’m changing SEP #3 made by Baby.
Charlie kicks over my drink I stupidly left on the floor while I’m nursing Baby leaving a huge stain on our new area rug.
Charlie makes SEP #4.
Charlie runs around screaming refusing to be changed while Baby makes SEP #5.
Charlie finally let’s me change SEP #4 but while I’m changing SEP #5 schmears a big piece of Christmas Cake all over his room (the piece he had apparently hidden away for future torture, earlier in the day).
Charlie dumps out red juice all over his bedroom floor after I finally gave him a sport bottle full because I stupidly had begun to “trust him”.
Charlie somehow injures Baby with his toy motorcyle so badly that Baby criess as if his Charlie is cutting off his leg (including blue faced breath holding).
Charlie begins crying because its all so dramatic and of course then…
Charlie makes SEP #6.
Charlie refuses to be changed until I give him the “incentive” (not bribe!) of a lollipop so I can change him and no longer be held hostage by the horrific stench of SEP #6.
Charlie screams to be able to get a bagel by himself and then so helpfully notifies me Baby has been woken up once again.
Charlie watches me change SEP #7 made by Baby while I ponder why I’m still in my pajamas and why every diaper today has literally been a SEP diaper and how I will never again have two in diapers and why I was surprised I needed therapy and…
One Of Those Days
Charlie wakes up.
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